An Ode to the Old Gent Who Stole My Cigarettes.
An-yeong haseyo, he said.
In digital military camo clad,
Forwardly friendly, but possibly mad.
He did offer Oreo cookies, foil-arranged,
We did take food from person most strange.
‘Alas!’, he gestured, with miming at bags –
‘Your Korean is tragic, and I’m out of fags!’
As I am genteel, I withheld him not:
He inspected the packet, and pocketed the lot.
Baffled was I, though they cost but two-fifty;
To argument for its sake would be unsociably thrifty.
Instead I smiled, confused to the core,
As our incommunicable friend buggered off out the door.
True story. I never even knew his name.
I gather he was very impressed with my acquisition of Meg, who herself is under the strong impression he was complimenting my manhood. I haven’t dwelt on where his information came from.
So, apparently my concept of diligence and persistence stretches as far as a bi-monthly posting. Future Ben will thank himself for this gift when he attempts to reflect nostalgically without having to put too much work into reading every blog.
My accomplishments since the dawn of 2013 have thus far included:
– Long-term fixing the toilet with a now-unwanted hairband of Meg’s, thereby ensuring a relatively plunger-less existence;
– Successfully extracting a totally oblivious puppy’s internal reproductive organs, leading to a solid month of guilt induced by stoned puppy and the sad realisation that said puppy will not spawn further puppies a la the movie Gremlins;
– Nearly losing puppy down the lake’s one ice-fishing hole while dashing across it;
– Furthermore, discovering that, while loathe to damage any of our actual possessions (bar a slightly sucked slipper), Millie enacts scenes of carnage with any tissue-paper within reach when left alone;
– Acquiring promised Christmas Xbox from greatly loved noisy ‘Mericans only to discover that antiquated trigenarian of a TV suffers a stroke when attempting to link up devices, prompting me to scour Seoul’s own brand of Craigslist in search of justifiably cheap device;
– Successfully managing to be a creative and/or mature photojournalistic professional shooting a hotel review, two coffee shops and a clothes store for UK’s Cereal Magazine: http://readcereal.com/ . This basically means I drank my body weight in free coffee and ran around giggling for a while before falling onto a mattress on the floor. The fact that the mattress was a traditional Korean bed in a staggeringly elite traditional hotel doesn’t detract from the day’s childish indulgence.